Ok, It has been ages since I have done one of these things and I promise that I will get better. Now lets talk. I have been in the middle of this crazy feud with my friends. What is wrong with being single? Everyone wants a relationship. Why the hell? I am so happy with the freedom of single-dom. I like being able to just go! I have grown up seeing my co-dependent siblings thrive on relationships. Now don't get me wrong relationships are great, but why is it that we use them to validate our being. You are no more less of a man or a woman in a relationship. The same issues that you had with yourself you still have now, you just have someones issues to juggle along with your own. I have so many friends that jump from relationship to relationship failing to see what was wrong in that past relationship. Use that down time to fix you. I always tell my friends that if they are single its for a reason. Use that time to focus on you. Go to Africa, or go base jumping. Experience some stuff, and set the bar higher on what you expect out of people. This ideal includes friends as well. You are what you attract. If you look around and all of your friends are low-lives, then what does that say about you?
I did this exercise last month and I want you to try it out for size. If you get a chance sit down and write down the things that you expect out of that special someone. Don't skimp on this list, remembering this is from the heart and these are the things that you must have or you'll die. (Just a figure of speech). Now if your list has Sleeps around, slaps me around and kicks me in the throat, then BAM, you are the issue. But if you are looking for what we all want and that is simply to be loved, adored, and the object of someones affection then you are on point. Don't deviate from this list. If you are on a date and you are looking for a man or woman with manners and etiquette then if he doesn't open then door for you at dinner, or is she bites her fork when eating. TAKE NOTE!
There was a song by Isyss that came out titled Single for the Rest of My Life, and I was like this is my anthem. I am not basing my ideal on one person like the song depicts. I want to use this down time to get to know me better. Now that I have raised the bar on myself I know exactly what I want. Yeah beggars can't be choosers, but you don't want your standards to just go out the door for the sake of having someone. That old mantra that older women use "It's better to have half a man than no man at all" Umm No! You shouldn't want half of nothing. Elevate your standards and seek within to find the answers. Trust they all there! I hope that you all have a safe holiday and don't do too much poppin! Happy 4th of July!
Keep it Hood,
Bryan-Keyth Wilson
Author of Hood Boy Chronicles
www.bryankeythwilson.com
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Totally agree with you. I wasn't supposed to get married and tried to tell this to the person I was with. I have never needed a relationship to define me. I'm a free spirit. No boundaries or limitations. But my standards are now very high. Achievable mind you. But, since being single (in the middle of a divorce), I was able to pick up and move on to get Terri back. So, I am using that down time right now. Having a man right now, would be a major block for me. I have places to go, people meet and see and many things to do. I love coming home, picking a book to read, play some jazz and have a glass of wine, and not have to worry about whether dinner will be on the table. Tired of it. I think at this point, yes, at 44 years old, I really don't think I will ever marry again. I love being alone, single and free to roam. I think this is where I need to be. But there is nothing wrong with it.
ReplyDeleteOkay Bryan...Since I pride myself in writing about relationships...I had to comment....Most people do not know how to work on themselves, nor admit they should....Thats one problem....Personally I was married to the WRONG person for 12 years, and stayed that long because of my spiritual beliefs. Then one day I realized, "God does not want this misery for me." Since my first boyfriend at 14 it was one wrong guy after the other, and I had to take a look at what I needed to change in order to be in a healthier relationship...Most do not learn growing up how to properly choose a mate, and they go on pure initial physical attraction, ignoring warning signs and "red flags" Also lacking the knowledge that LOVE is an action word, not a feeling....I agree Bryan...We should embrace singlehood and all the fabulous things it comes with, focusing on becoming the best people we can be during that time. And when the right person comes along (and u don't have 2 search high & low) the 2 of you will compliment one anothers positive qualities, not tear each other down....That's just my lil tidbit...You can read my ongoing publication called "What I Realize" in Alive Magazine at www.alivemagonline.com
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